Happy Birthday, Stormy!

Dearest Readers:

Today is a very important day for all of us at Rainbow Mittens and in the larger, progressive blogger community. It’s the birthday of the one, the only…. Stormy! Since I can’t be with him to celebrate this week (and he deserves an entire week of rainbows, unicorns and butterflies), I’m throwing a party here on Rainbow Mittens (and wherever else they’ll have me) to celebrate.

Once Stormy attended his first Michigan Pride, he was hooked!

I promised him rainbows and butterflies… so how about a rainbow butterfly?

Stormy is sparkly, colorful and flits from thing to thing… just like the butterfly.

I couldn’t find him a boy or money, so how about a homoerotic rainbow unicorn?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, STORMY!

Ex-ex-gay (also known as gay) in Iowa!

Prior to August 2009 I had probably told the story of my experience with ex-gay therapy to a total of 50 people.  When it came up with friends I would share some of the details of how Mike Jones, an ex-gay “therapist” in Lansing, MI had robbed me of years of self-esteem and confidence with his lies and predatory practices.  It wasn’t something I was overly eager to bring up – it’s not necessarily polite, feel-good conversation and I felt more than a bit embarrassed I had fallen for the ex-gay lies in the first place.

Since going public with my story last summer with the help of Truth Wins Out, things have changed.  Thousands of people have now seen the video in which I tell my story and the man who performed my “therapy” has seen his Board of Directors dissolve and Exodus International remove their affiliation.

In early February I had the opportunity to travel to Des Moines, Iowa and share my story with over 100 strangers – including a State Senator sitting front-and-center.  A group called First Friday Breakfast Club invited me to Des Moines to speak at their monthly meeting.  As part of the trip I also spoke with 25 students at Iowa State University at an event hosted by the LGBTA Alliance and the Office of LGBT Student Services.

I was overwhelmed with the support and kindness with which I was received at both events.  But I was also shocked at the number of people who were unaware the ex-gay industry is still alive and actively victimizing the most vulnerable members of the LGBT community.  Since sharing my story publicly it has become evident that many people, including many LGBT folks, aren’t aware of the activity and dangers of the ex-gay industry.

It is more important than ever the LGBT community at-large understands the real threat the ex-gay industry represents to all of us.  The US ex-gay industry’s connection to the Ugandan “Kill the Gays Bill” is a stark example of the danger these groups represent.  They use the “fact” that sexual orientation can and should be changed to deny basic rights and to actively discriminate against LGBT folks.

In addition the ex-gay industry spreads false and defamatory lies that all gay men are addicted to drugs, alcohol and random sex and that it is impossible to be gay and happy and/or gay and religious.  This is what I was led to believe and these false characterizations certainly perpetuate homophobia and discrimination experienced by gay men in particular.

And most obviously, the ex-gay industry continues to rob vulnerable and scared people of their dignity, self-esteem and identity.  While in Iowa I got to meet several other survivors of ex-gay therapy and was touched to hear their stories.  It was inspiring to meet other survivors who are also finding healing and strength by sharing their experiences and fighting to prevent others from similar abuses.  I’m glad to be healing and fighting beside them.

PS. As an aside, my wildest dreams came true when I spotted the elusive “Married Gays” in their natural Iowan habitat a mere 10 minutes after my plane touched down.  I spent half a day with these men and shockingly did not witness them destroy a single heterosexual relationship…

A Match Made In…

…heaven, hopefully. Time will tell.

By now I’m sure you’ve heard the big news, but if you haven’t, here’s the scoop: Michigan Equality and the Triangle Foundation are getting married! …to each other. The details so far have been pretty sketchy, but the math is pretty simple. There’s only so much money out there for great organizations like these, a finite number of volunteer hours to be had, a finite number of politicians’ ears to be bent, and so forth, and by joining forces Triangle and M= can share these resources.

More importantly, on a molecular level the two organizations have totally different purposes (M= was originally intended to be Michigan’s LGBT political lobby, and Triangle is a resource and victim advocacy center), but over time both organizations had started to dip their toes in each other’s pool. By combining forces, the good people at Michigan Equality can continue to do what they do best: advocating for LGBT rights in our government, and the folks at Triangle can focus on victim advocacy and crisis counseling…but it’ll all be under one umbrella with one budget, one set of support staff, and so on. Less money goes to overhead, the best and the brightest in each field all get to work together instead of competing, everybody wins!

Right now the Powers That Be are working out the prenuptial agreement and picking out wedding rings, and the swankiest nonprofit corporate wedding ever should take place within a few months. As soon as the ceremony and the honeymoon are over, the folks at the Michigan Triangle Equality Foundation* can get back to kicking ass and taking names (and writing those names in sparkly purple ink).

*Disclaimer: I made this up. I hope they don’t use it, because it’s loooong…and kind of lame.

Viva Mexico!

(I have no idea how to make an upside-down exclamation point on a PC. Such is the life of a Machead. *sigh*)

In any event…

Earlier today the legislature in Mexico City voted 39-20 to approve same-sex marriage! The mayor of Mexico City is expected to sign the legislation when it’s presented. With this move Mexico City becomes the first jurisdiction in Latin America to recognize the equality of same-sex couples. The BBC article linked above doesn’t make a mention of it, but the bill originally contained an amendment specifically barring same-sex couples from adopting children. One legislator raised an objection to the amendment and it was subsequently removed.

…so just to be clear: same-sex marriage in New York is a no-go. Same-sex marriage in California was voted down. Same-sex marriage in Maine was overturned. But same-sex marriage in Mexico City seems certain. Up is down, black is white, and I’m craving tequila.

In other news, I didn’t bother to mention this last week since I figured you all had seen it and were aware of it, but here you go: after numerous procedural and legislative hoops, interference from the Catholic Church, the nonsensical ramblings of Bishop Harry Jackson and a screeching promise of war from Maggie Gallagher, last week Mayor Adrian Fenty of Washington, DC signed a bill legalizing same-sex marriage in our nation’s capital. Given the large number of federal employees living in the district this bill is likely to set up a legal challenge to the Defense of Marriage Act in short order.

The reason I mention it is because the federal government’s Office of Personnel Management continues to sputter at the prospect of providing benefits to same-sex couples, in defiance of an order from the 9th Circuit. I’d point out the blistering irony in the fact that OPM director John Berry is the highest-ranking openly gay official in the federal government or make a flip comment like “Fierce advocate, my ass!”…but Christmas is this week and I’ve had enough scroogery.

VIVA MEXICO!

The Truth Wins Out Against Lansing “Therapist”

Our very own Pattitude finally got some justice for the abuse he suffered at the hands of so-called “ex-gay therapy”.  From Truth Wins Out:

Truth Wins Out (TWO) revealed today that the nation’s largest “ex-gay” organization, Exodus International, officially cut ties with its Lansing affiliate Corduroy Stone after charges were made by an ex-gay survivor that the sessions included harmful and bizarre therapy. In August, Patrick McAlvey made the charges against Corduroy Stone’s Mike Jones in a Truth Wins Out video, yet it took Exodus until December to take action. Exodus’ dithering in the face of scandal cost precious time and may have placed additional youth in harm’s way, according to Truth Wins Out.

So Exodus International knew this guy had no mental health training or certification and isn’t an ordained minister with academic counseling credentials.  Then, they let him loose on local churches and parents hysterical at the thought of their children “living the gay lifestyle”.  There really should be a Better Hateful Business Bureau where homophobes can at least insure that they are getting bad advice from qualified individuals.

Our friends over at Michigan Messenger (hi Todd!) have an extensive article on the subject so go there and read it.  The best line though?

“I think it’s in the best interest of the state to protect people from being harmed by these charlatans.”

Amen.

To New York, with Rainbow Kisses…

As most of you probably heard, the New York State Senate voted down marriage equality despite herculean efforts by state and local grassroots organizations including Empire State Pride and New York Log Cabin Republicans.  You can find reports on the story here, here, here and here.  Today, though, I’d like to send Michigan’s Rainbow kisses to Senator Diane Savino for her amazing floor speech prior to the vote.  She’s not a professional speaker and her nerves were evident as her voice cracked and her hands shook… but I think each and every one of us should watch what a real ally looks like.

When I grow up, Senator Savino, I want to be an ally just like you.

Periodic News Post

(What does one do when one is home with the flu? Blog!)

The relative silence here in Mittenland might give you the impression that there’s not much going on in the exciting world of LGBT rights, but…well, that’s just not true. There’s plenty going on, and here’s a quick rundown:

1. Strangely enough, last night was election night in the great state of Georgia. All eyes have been on the race for mayor of Atlanta, with both candidates actively courting LGBT voters, but as of this morning that race is still too close to call. The one that’s not too close to call is Georgia House District 58, which was won by Simone Bell. Bell becomes the first openly lesbian African‐American legislator in our country’s history.

2. If you follow LGBT political news at all I’m sure you’re aware of the bizarre mudslinging catfight going on in Washington, DC over same‐sex marriage. It’s been dragging out for months as city officials have been going toe‐to‐toe with the Catholic Church and various other anti‐equality forces, but it appears we’re going to get the last laugh. Yesterday the DC City Council voted 11‐2 to pass a measure legalizing same‐sex marriage. The bill has to come up for a second vote two weeks from now. There are two important twists to note, however. First and foremost, under the US Constitution DC is technically a federal district, and the US Congress can stick its nose into city business should it so choose (there’s even a House subcommittee devoted to DC affairs)…but House Speaker Nancy Pelosi isn’t going to let that happen. The second and frankly more exciting wrinkle here is the sheer number of federal employees who work in DC. If they were allowed to be legally married, that may give new rise to pushing the federal government to recognize same‐sex relationships.

3. Don’t get your hopes up, but the New York State Senate is expected to vote on marriage equality legislation later today. This is another one that has been dragging out for months. Lame‐duck Governor David Paterson (who’s technically running for re‐election but doesn’t stand a chance in hell) has made it very clear that he wants marriage equality legislation passed before the end of his abbreviated term, but the Democrats hold such a slim majority in the State Senate that this bill is very unlikely to pass (yes, I will very happily eat crow if it passes).

4. You wouldn’t know it by watching the teevee, but yesterday was World AIDS Day. To all of you who wore red ribbons, attended community events and blogged about the AIDS crisis, thank you. But the single biggest thing you can do to get AIDS under control is to get tested. Many locations offer free, anonymous testing, so there’s no excuse for waiting. Get. Tested.

5. On the heels of last month’s overwhelming vote to secure LGBT civil rights in Kalamazoo comes news that Kalamazoo College has secured a $2.1 million grant from the Arcus Foundation to start the Arcus Center for Social Justice Leadership. Surprised? Don’t be. The Arcus Foundation is the brainchild of Kalamazoo native son Jon Stryker, who also happens to be a K College alum and sit on K College’s Board of Trustees. If you don’t know who Jon Stryker is…well, there’s always Google.

6. Aaaaand last but not least, some totally irrelevant 80s pop culture news: Michael J. Fox’s mom is a lesbian…his TV mom, that is. Rumors had been swirling for several weeks about Meredith Baxter, best known for her role as the matriarch of Family Ties’s Keaton family, and this morning on the Today show she acknowledged that she’s a lesbian. This article is definitely worth a read, but this quote left me dumbstruck: “If anyone knows someone who’s gay or lesbian … they’re less likely to vote against them to take away their rights. I can be that lesbian you know now …” Welcome to the family, Ms. Baxter.

That’s all I’ve got. Pass me the Pepto, please.

Thankful for Unlikely Allies

(Quick note from your humble Fairy Sparkle Princess: Frankly I am just about blogged out (I haven’t posted anything in what, a month?), and Auntie JPowers155 and I figured you all needed a) something to read regularly, and b) an attitude adjustment. Without further ado we give you the newest contributor to Rainbow Mittens. Show him some love and try to be nice. ~Stormy)

(Show some love for our newest contributor to RainbowMittens – Pattitude!)

When I first came out as a gay man I didn’t realize I would continue coming out for the rest of my life. Every new place I work or travel, every new friend I make eventually dictates another coming out. Some times people assume I’m gay, some times people are shocked to find out (when I reign in my limp wrists). Every coming out is different and I value the conversations that surround each one.

Last month I had three interesting coming out experiences in the same day. All three were with visitors to my place of employment. I had come to know each in the months prior but had never discussed LGBT issues or my being gay with any of them.

“Well you aren’t gay, are you Pat?” – asked the first of the three when she saw the Between the Lines story about my experiences with ex-gay therapy. I kept the story posted in my office for just this reason, to start conversations. She is a delightful woman, but her tone and her demographic (seemingly conservative grandmother who has never worked outside the home) led me to expect an interesting, not-so-positive conversation.

“Turns out I am,” I responded.

“Well, you know what? I think that’s just fine,” she said.

Not what I was expecting. Ideally, a person wouldn’t need to alert me to the fact they are “fine” with my orientation, but given the situation, I was touched. She went on to share about one of her grandson’s who was gay. It was a fantastic conversation and I felt a bit convicted for having assumed she would not be supportive.

The second interaction was with a retired union worker – a truck-driving, cigarette-smoking, beast-hunting man’s man. Again, not always a demographic that has been exceedingly supportive in my experience. However, this man had already seen the YouTube video in which I describe my experience with ex-gay therapy and brought the subject up with me. He wanted to let me know he didn’t think the therapy was right and he felt bad for what I had gone through. He expressed support and talked about not understanding why folks care so much about one’s orientation. My soul was warmed by the conversation and the unexpected encouragement.

The third interaction was with a rather religious middle-aged man. He saw the story on the wall as well. His reaction was not positive. It seemed apparent he had rarely interacted with gay men and did not carry a general positive attitude. And yet it was the kind of conversation where you can almost see the wheels churning in someone’s mind. The trouble, I think, was that we had a positive relationship, he genuinely liked me and I liked him. Thus a bit of mental anguish was in order as he sought to reconcile his affection for me with his general negative opinion of gay men. I do not believe an ally was born that day, but a mind might have been expanded slightly.

And his wasn’t the only one. My mind was also expanded a bit that day. I’ve thought and talked periodically about the importance of visibility to the LGBT community. Generally I think of visibility as important for the greater good, for the LGBT community as a whole. Visibility helps people put a face to the community and to political issues, disarms stereotypes, provides role-models, lessens prejudice and normalizes the natural diversity that exists in sexual orientation and gender identity.

What I have not spent much time thinking about is the personal benefit of visibility – discovering allies and experiencing unexpected support. The first two people I interacted with were already allies. I didn’t change them, but their support certainly effected me. They encouraged me and allowed me to feel safer to express the full spectrum of my personality around them. If I were not out and open, I would have assumed their beliefs (based on my own prejudices) and missed out on their encouragement.

On this Thanksgiving weekend, I’m incredibly thankful for LGBT allies – unlikely and otherwise.)

Is This Thing On?

So it’s been a while since Stormy or I have posted anything here at Rainbow Mittens.  I could give you a well crafted series of excuses which might include two rounds of “The Swine”, too many 10+ hour shifts, writing deadlines and more than a few other things, but the truth is… I got tired.  I needed a break.  Can’t speak for Stormy (although those 10+ hour shifts at the Giant Baby Head are a killer), but I just haven’t taken the time.

There are so many things in flux in Michigan’s LGBT community with organizations changing and growing and shrinking, legislation being introduced and then disappearing into the mysteries of the House or Senate Judiciary Committees and so many of our friends are leaving Michigan for greener (or maybe more rainbow colored) pastures.

And yet we’re still here, we’re still talking about LGBT issues and we’re still trying to make Michigan a better place for all people.  As you gather with your friends and family this Thanksgiving, take a minute to give thanks to your LGBT (and us Allies!) peeps.  Make a donation to an LGBT community organization of your choice.  Volunteer some time with any group.  But most of all, know that we may be a little tired and we’re taking a bit of a nap, we’re not done fighting for equality.

Happy Thanksgiving!

BREAKING: Rep. Pam Byrnes reintroducing marriage equality resolution

We won Kalamazoo! Yay! Mad props to Jon Hoadley, Caleb Howcroft and all the amazing folks at ONE Kalamazoo for kicking ass and taking names in the fight to preserve equality here in the Mitten. Their hard work and the votes of the great people of Kalamazoo sent a powerful message that we’re ready to start treating all of Michigan’s citizens equally.

It’s time for part two.

Back in 2004 the people of the State of Michigan approved Proposition 2, a constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage in Michigan. But in five short years marriage equality has been extended to Vermont, Massachusetts, Iowa, and New Hampshire (let’s not talk about Maine right now, okay?), and it’s time to move forward toward overturning the grave injustice done by Prop 2 five years ago.

In about a half hour Michigan House Speaker Pro Tem Pam Byrnes will be holding a press conference to re-introduce a resolution she had previously introduced in June to legalize same-sex marriage here in Michigan. If the bill passes both houses of the Legislature and is signed by the Governor, it goes back in front of the people of the State of Michigan for another vote.

The press conference will take place today at 3:00PM in Room 426 of the Capitol. Rep. Byrnes will be joined by Jay Kaplan, staff attorney at the ACLU of Michigan and Rev. Kit Carlson of All Saints Episcopal Church, Lansing. (A word on that one: yes, a large amount of the money in the California Prop 8 and Maine Prop 1 fights came from the Catholic and LDS Churches, but the Episcopalians have been on the forefront of granting equality to all citizens, so props to them, too.)